50 questions

Two people of the same sex love each other. Is it legitimate?

It is important to differentiate between friendship and feelings of love. Obviously, friendship may exist between two boys or two girls. A true friend is a precious gift.

We speak of homosexuality when there is a feeling of love accompanied by sexual desire between two persons of the same sex. Our aim here is not to study why and how this can happen but simply to underline a few points:

We live in a world that erases differences. Some pretend that (sexual) union between two people of the same sex is good and that homosexuality is simply an alternative to heterosexuality (sexual relations between a man and a woman). That is not true. The truth is that God created man and woman differently so that they can give themselves to each other with their own differences, including the differences of sex which allow life to come into being from that union. Whatever our situation, it is important to recognize the truth, to follow it and to have the courage to live chastely. Chastity is the virtue that regulates human love. (1)

Outside the homosexual pressure groups which try to find ways to justify and to give recognition to a homosexual culture and way of life, homosexuality is generally a situation that people do not choose. They experience it as a form of suffering. Shame and humiliation are often mingled with worry (Am I abnormal? What kind of future do I have?...). They feel guilty, different from others and cut off from life. The constant worry causes instability. And they end up thinking that there is no cure, no future and no hope for them.

Let us be careful not to confuse different situations: an active homosexuality, is entirely different from the fleeting inclination at the time of adolescence, springing from a lack of emotional maturity, a lack of an adult role model and from the self-centred attitude very common at that age. Sometimes, this tendency goes away even if it leaves some wounds in the memory. If it does not, the struggle for chastity will be more difficult.

In some people there is a permanent homosexual tendancy (which means a predominant or exclusive attraction to someone of the same sex) that seems to come from way back and is deeply rooted in the person. This can remain at the stage of inclination, even a strong one, but without any consequences. It is the transition to an active homosexuality that is the turning point because we then enter into a vicious circle of guilt on the one hand, and complicity on the other.

We are not responsible for our feelings or for our instincts, we are responsible for our actions. We do not have to feel guilty for our bad inclinations; it is acting on those inclinations that brings on real guilt. When the act is wrong in itself, it would be dishonest to pretend otherwise, but this does not mean that the person who commits it is bad. Who can judge his brothers and sisters?

There is always hope because we are free. We may have a serious difficulty, but we do not have to identify ourselves with it. My innermost being cannot be reduced to a tendency or even a habit. I am not the inclination that inhabits me.

In every human being, the capacity to love, to give of oneself is much greater than all the tendencies and the hindrances. Even when I despair of being set apart from others or when I pretend that everything is normal, God continues to call me to go forward. He invites me to get up so that I can get out of the situation that I’m in.

However, it is often difficult to respond to Him either because of erroneous thinking on my part, because I do not like myself, or because I am afraid of change and of peer-pressure. So I end up under-estimating my capacity to resist as if I had already lost the battle. But God’s power cannot be defeated, even by the obstacles in my own life.

(1) Homosexual persons are called to chastity. By the virtues of self-mastery that teach them inner freedom, at times by the support of disinterested friendship, by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and should gradually and resolutely reach Christian perfection (Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraph 2359).