50 questions : What about fights... and conflicts?

What about fights... and conflicts?

"Love is built by two"

What would you say about a couple who don`t talk with each other? Wouldn't you wonder which of the two harmed the other?

What is extraordinary about the difference between a man and a woman is that, with their different manner of approaching things, it brings about a mutual enrichment if they take the time to listen to each other and try to understand each other. Talking about their differing points of view, even having lively discussions, helps love to grow through a better understanding.

Of course, sometimes we cling to our ideas and want to impose them on the other; we aren't at all ready to listen to the other. Then comes a clash... it’s not too serious as long as condemning or ironic comments are not added to the fight. All these apparently harmless remarks hurt the other because they are not respectful of the person. We react according to our different personalities: by exploding in anger, by closing up in silence and bitterness or by fighting back. Love goes to war... fear, distrust and hate attempt to take its place. Harboring bitterness or a grudge in our heart and brooding over our disagreement is the poison of love.

What is the remedy? Decide to resist my bad feelings and to stop being carried away by my imagination. This decision to love again, to open up my heart again, to welcome and accept the person as they are, to look at them with new eyes: this is forgiveness. It is not writing off the past as if it never happened, but rather, despite the past, starting again with new hope and new strength. "I ask you to forgive me for all the times I didn't ask you since we got married." "It was as if we became newly weds once again," the wife tells us. "We found life again".

There are conflicts in life. Through forgiveness we can avoid allowing our differences to kill love and rather let them contribute to its growth

Personal Experience

It was Christmas day. We were expected at Jim's family's house 90 miles away for Christmas dinner at noon. We were to spend the night there before leaving the children with the family so as to enjoy a few days away alone.

As we were late, my husband started to rush us to leave: suitcases and coats were packed into the car in the blink of an eye and I had no time to check if anything was left behind.

During the afternoon, the children wanted to play outside. It had snowed and was very cold: I wanted to give them their hats and gloves but couldn’t find them anywhere. So I sent the children off to ask their father. He replied that he had not seen the hats and gloves in the house when he had packed the car. I didn't believe him and got very angry: of course, I thought, as absent-minded as he is, my husband left them behind as he was in such a hurry to get packed and leave! A fight started in front of the whole family and he left slamming the door behind him!

I complained to myself: it's always the same, he doesn't pay attention to anything, he doesn't think about others, and now the poor children have to have cold hands! It's strange that he didn't see anything....maybe the hats and gloves are in fact over here....maybe I put them into a suitcase....I ran to one of the suitcases, then to another and I ended up I finding the hats and gloves carefully packed away! I had packed them!! I couldn't deny it, I was the one in the wrong!

The feeling of remorse gnawed at me. I wanted to ask for forgiveness but I was afraid. What if Jim was going to hold on to a grudge ?

Anxiously, I watched for him to come back. When he came in I went up to him and said: "I want to ask you to forgive me..."

I didn't say another thing. Jim looked at me and said : "I forgive you."

Both of us were overcome with joy; we were like two teenagers in love. Our relatives didn't understand but we had just relived the intense emotion of the "yes" we said on our wedding day.

Benedicta