50 questions : How can we be sure that we really love someone?

How can we be sure that we really love someone?

We know from experience that it is difficult to be sure. We do not always see clearly. It is not easy, in every case, to be sure of myself or my feelings and to have to depend on tangible proofs or signs.

Love is not like an idea with a definition or like a physical phenomen on that can be measured : Love is a matter of choice. And so, to use a quotation from Saint Bonaventure : Love is its own measure and standard.

There are, however, certain practical points to consider :

Is it my friend that I love or is it the feeling of love that I love? We are so often overwhelmed by the extraordinary feeling that accompanies love that we may forget about the other person.

A good question to ask would be Do I want to love him or her? Since true love is not so much a feeling as it is a decision, a choice, we have to will to love.

Finally, love needs the response of the other to actually exist. We cannot speak of love if it is not reciprocated.If you are not sure of the others feelings, don’t remain in doubt. Find a good moment to speak together and find out the feelings and attitudes of the other.

Personal Experience

When I first met Frank, I initially learned to discover him as a friend without even imagining that one day he would be my husband. What I remember is noticing that he was different from the other men I knew: he was nicer, more open than the others and I didn't know why. Then, over the course of our time spent together, I had the inner certitude that it was "he". Little by little I experienced a tremendous freedom: I could be completely myself, show myself as I was without being judged. I think that there is a dimension of truth in love. We don't pretend in front of each other, we don't do extra things just to please and to bend in ways that are more difficult to us resulting in our disliking the person.

When you have found your "other half", there is a feeling of security that flows out of the inner feeling. I believed myself capable of founding a family with Frank.

Despite some necessary adjustments due to our differences in personalities, I had a deep sense of peace. The engagement time was not an easy time (which shows how much we needed it), but that inner certitude never left us and after five years we still have it.

Cecilia